There are far more appetizing things to stick in one's discman than Glass Floor, and I don't mean strictly CDs. By song three, Glass Floor has already waned past its endurable limit, with nearly a dozen indolent tracks to go, and von Bohlen's cloying strains make it difficult even to use the disc as innocuous background music. "The Window Is the Door" and "Sleep Around" are by far this album's highlights, not because they're exceedingly better than the rest of the material, but because Maritime's style of lukewarm guitar pop is so tedious by comparison. Most albums are at least somewhat frontloaded, but when a record sports only two truly strong numbers, it's hard even to describe it as such. Only on the closing track "Human Beings" is one of his lines even remotely distinguishable from von Bohlen's rhythmically staid guitar parts, and unsurprisingly, it makes for one of the record's few interesting moments. After playing a starring role in The Dismemberment Plan, where his dexterous playing and effortless meter manipulation often buoyed the band's corybantic compositions, here, he's sadly mollified. A contrast between form and content can be helpful when dealing with particularly trite subject matter, and that doesn't apply exclusively to feckless lyricists like von Bohlen.īut perhaps the real disappointment of Glass Floor is that it tarnishes Eric Axelson's previously flawless reputation.
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The event was initially held in 2003, and is traditionally one of ROHs four biggest signature events in the calendar year, along with the Anniversary Show, Glory By Honor and Final Battle.
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Pining love songs are notoriously difficult to execute, but one way to generate at least some intrigue is to avoid writing songs that actually sound like they're about pining love. Death Before Dishonor is a professional wrestling event, held annually by the Ring of Honor promotion. Here, tracks like the soporific lullaby "A Night Like This" are the norm, and as such, the album is an arduous slog. However, since 1999, von Bohlen has fixated on feeble contemporary pop, resulting in a string of effete, unduly flaccid albums whose occasionally winsome melodies have been asphyxiated by flat production and unenergetic performance. There was a time, back in The Promise Ring's heyday, when great tracks like "Is This Thing On?" and "Why Did We Ever Meet?" were the standard, not mere anomalies. Often enough in the past, von Bohlen's songwriting has outshone his prominent vocal ineptitude it's when he attempts to make his tunelessness endearing that his songs become unbearable, and unfortunately, this is the case with most of Glass Floor. Featuring some of Glass Floor's strongest melodies and a fluid lyrical narrative, the song suffers only from von Bohlen's unashamedly lacking vocal cords.īy now, it's no secret: The man can't sing. "Sleep Around" is a sleek exercise in nouveau piano pop, handling a potentially disastrous array of strings and horns with unexpected finesse. "The Window Is the Door" reshapes Chris Carrabba's acousticized love balladry into something more genuine and infinitely less vomit-inducing, probably for von Bohlen's reluctance (or inability) to belt his mundane verses with an ardor disproportionate to their profundity.
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However, the album does make a tempting come-on in its opening two tracks. If there's any difference between this album and von Bohlen's lackluster recent output, it's that this collection somehow manages to be even more tepid. The ideal gentleman’s accessories, we design pocket watches to have a unique point of difference: whether in a skeletal exposure of intricate mechanical movements, or in richly textured, meticulously detailed faces.Unfortunately, Maritime doesn't vindicate my wishful thinking.